The Perfect Heart

This is an excerpt from Dr David Wilkerson's blog

The perfect heart cries out with David, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts; and see if there is any wicked way in me” (Psalm 139:23–24).

God does indeed search our hearts; he said as much to Jeremiah: “I the Lord search the heart” (Jeremiah 17:10). The Hebrew meaning for this phrase is, “I penetrate, I examine deeply.”

The perfect heart wants the Holy Spirit to come and search out the innermost man, to shine into all hidden parts—to investigate, expose and dig out all that is unlike Christ. Those who hide a secret sin, however, do not want to be convicted, searched or probed.

The perfect heart yearns for more than security or a covering for sin. It seeks to be in God’s presence always, to dwell in communion. Communion means talking with the Lord, sharing sweet fellowship with him, seeking his face and knowing his presence.

The Lord’s heart-searching is not vindictive, but redemptive. His purpose is not to catch us in sin or condemn us, but rather to prepare us to come into his holy presence as clean pure vessels.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my thoughts; and see if there be any wicked way in me. That is my prayer in Jesus Names. AMEN!

Heart Transplant? What?

Hi Everyone, Here is the latest from the Bolingers:

when you hear words that are devastating you go into a security bubble. The world continues around you but in slow motion. Your brain is going a hundred miles an hour. The questions pop into the brain almost immediately. "This is curable...right?" That is what it was like for me this week when we discussed options to my health problem.  I was hearing the 4th option of transplant as the last step. It was the same in 1999 when my son Caleb was torn out of our arms at the ICU and rushed into a feverish pitch of activity surrounding him. We were in utter shock as the Doctor led us down the hall way to a plush special waiting room his voice was calm and assuring, "We are doing everything we can." He informs us that we will have to make a critical decision. Heart Transplant? What? How much? When? The Doctor leaves with our questions being unanswerable at the time. We sat in silence and disbelief. Our three year old son needs a heart transplant. Our minds had frequent signs of life with sniffling, tear wiping,  and that question... "Father what are you doing?" "I trust you but I don't understand." Saying goodbye to Caleb a year later was surreal and unbelievable.

So determined to get on with life we consoled ourselves with having a third child. 10 months later Rachel Marie was born. She was beautiful. She had punk hair that no matter what we did it just stood up. 8 days after birth. Mom notices some irregularities with her breathing. I blew it off it is just normal. The second day it was very fast labored breathing that night sitting in prayer watching waiting and holding our daughter. Those questions..."Father what is happening?" I can remember walking down the corridor of the hospital and asking the xray tech who just took her chest xray. I asked, "I know you can't tell me anything per the code but was her heart large?" He replied, "It looks like it could be but let the doctors tell you." I knew then and there we had another decision to make. Rachel was okay until 4 years old. She had a very successful heart transplant and miracles happening all around. It was a blessed time.

So what next? We up and move to Japan as missionaries to plant a church in the city of Iruma in Saitama  north west of Tokyo. We have been here just three years and finally feel like we are getting our groove on and then another Doctor visit and another decision to make. This time it is me. The dad. I am sitting once again in the dark tunnel of security as they are speaking Japanese around me. I am catching all too familiar terms but only Japanifized. "Hatoh Bigu" (heart big). I am not wanting to listen. I am wanting to eat a cheeseburger. I for too many years have been consoling myself through cultural adjustment with food. Only now my security has been diminished to a diet of 1.5 ltrs of water and milligrams of salt a day. It is very hard. So we are going through changes.

Now I have been diagnosed with the heart disease just like my kids it is called "Dilated Cardiomyopathy" It is the reason for congestive heart failure. This is not idopathic like genetic from my genes. It is more idiot-pathic from my stupidity of being obese. It is manageable if I strictly diet and get my weight off. The next step, if I don't loose the weight... is an assist device like a pace maker and then finally the transplant. To say we are not stopped in our tracks would be an understatement. Like deer in the head lights or a sail with no wind we are just praying for wisdom and direction.We feel the need to just keep plowing away and moving forward but making adjustments and changes as we progress. I feel tired a lot. I don't have the same level of energy. Please pray with us to make many decisions that are before us:

Pray for the future testings 24 hour EKG halter monitor, Sleep testing, and biopsy sometime in September.
Pray for continued resolve to get the weight off and eat right and exercise when possible. Now I am restricted to no strenuous moves not even stairs.
Pray for the two women's conferences this week. Mihoko is speaking and translating. Pray for peace. For Mihoko to hold it together while making drastic changes she wasn't expecting especially now having to spend extra time at the store and on the internet educating ourselves about all the stuff with salt. Pray for wisdom in food choices and substitutes to be found that are inexpensive.
Pray for provision with all the extra expense of procedures and travel it is adding up quick.
Pray for wisdom with the church. Pray for energy to not only do worship but the message and other things.
Pray for the Sunday School we were going to continue after a short break but I don't have the energy.
Pray for the kids school that starts in a week.
Pray for the English students and their families salvation.
Pray for God's peace and assurance to keep going. For his joy in the midst of depression. Depression is real it is okay as long as we don't stay there. Pray like David I will console myself with scripture and fellowship in the house of the Lord. Psalm 43:5 Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, [who is] the health of my countenance, and my God. God bless you for praying.

--
Dan Bolinger
danbolinger@gmail.com
www.bolingersinjapan.blogspot.com
埼玉県入間市1-1-17向陽台10-705
日本〒358-0001

Ekimae Plaza 10-705
1-1-17 Kyouyoudai
Iruma, Saitama, Japan 358-0001

080-3738-2101

Isaiah 45:6 That they may know from the rising of the sun, and from the west, that [there is] none beside me. I [am] the LORD, and [there is] none else.

Dan's Heart

Hello Everyone,   This is a message from Aug 8th below following is a second message from August 9th

Psalm 25:17 The troubles of my heart are enlarged: [O] bring thou me out of my distresses.

Walking up a hill or trying to keep walking pace with my son who is always one step in front of me, would leave me tired. My heart would be pumping so hard that I felt like it was in my neck. I'd feel dizzy. Two weeks ago I went to put on my old worn out stretched out tennis shoes. They didn't fit. My feet had swollen. I had them tied for Japan so they were loose so I could slip in and out no problem. Now it was a problem. I also noticed when I'd push on my skin on my legs it wouldn't bounce back. I am like stretch armstrong the elastic toy. Stretch Armstrong Retro. Only I don't stretch but you can push my skin in and it stays for a long while. Bending over to tie my shoes would have me sitting for a few minutes to get my breath and not be dizzy. All this to say I have a bad heart.

Since May I had contracted pneumonia and was in the hospital for a week. I thought this was all the symptoms of the post pneumonia. With that and a series of other things, a combo if you will, has caused my heart to enlarge. I have had sleep apnea and I am obese all of which is self induced. The apnea and heart problems are as a result from the weight problem. The apnea may have exacerbated the problem. With those negative things my heart wants a break and is tired. (No heart attacks no bad rhythms just swollen like my pride) I had swollen feet and was very tired all the time. So I went in last Friday for a check up and found through a chest xray my heart was swollen in size. The Dr. today said it is not the same sickness as my daughter and son but it could be. The walls of my heart have not thickened so this is reversible. My heart function or Ejection Fraction is at 46%, the Dr. today said it should be about 60%.  I am restricted from exercising for now and am on diuretics. I am going to see Rachel's specialist tomorrow in Tabata. Hopefully he will give me a bigger picture of the scope of what is going on.

I feel fine and there is no pain at all. It is like God is giving me a serious wake up call of many but still being gracious in doing it. This is more harder on Mihoko than anyone. She is dealing with it but is still going through the emotional what if scenarios. Pray for her to be strengthened by God. Pray for our marriage to grow through this. We just celebrated 20 years July 27th and I'd like to go for another 50 years should the Lord tarry. She has been asked to speak at a conference and I told her not to cancel. God is doing something here through this and He will through our weaknesses strengthen the body here.

This is a fatal disease for many but doesn't have to be for me. But then so is life. I am on a salt restricted diet. The Dr. wanted to admit me for one month in the hospital for testings and stuff. I told Mihoko that will kill me more that anything else. We are going to try to do this as an out patient. I am going to be scheduled for a heart cathetorization in a while and we will get a more accurate picture of the functions of the heart in each chamber. They will also do an angiogram on the arteries. The echo cardiogram shows that I do have minor valve regurgitation. This means the valve flaps aren't touching and blood is not flowing properly. The heart pumps blood up into the upper left chamber only to have some leak back in. Congestive Heart Failure video

All this to say I am at fault here. I have received from too many folks loving rebukes and coaching and encouragement along the way. My pride is what blew all that off and said, "Eh, I'm ok!" But I am not. Please pray for me to take this very very serious. It is easy to rationalize things and the flesh will say one bite ain't going to kill you. Now that has a new meaning for me.

Many wonder will the Bolingers go home? The short answer is no. God hasn't said go. We have one of the best doctors in all of Japan. He is awesome. I will be keeping you all posted.

Pray God's will be done. Pray the church continues to grow. So many are supportive and helpful. This should be a real tragedy but I feel so blessed by everyone.

We will continue to teach the English classes and most of all have church services. I am not sickly or in pain I am just a fat guy with a ticker that has a looney tunes beat. The kind where Wiley Coyote walks away bouncing up and down. Wiley Coyote Cartoon

We all love you and know so many are praying for us. Please pray for wisdom and peace. Please pray we see many come to Christ through our inability yet His sovereign ability. Pray I will not cheat on the diet and will do all the doctors say. Pray for healing and restoring of tissue back to healthy limits.

God bless you all,
Dan

MESSAGE 2 August 9th


Hi everyone,

Spent the day at Tokyo Women's Medical University Hospital in Tabata. The Transplant specialist I saw painted a different picture than Yesterday's Dr. It is always good to get a second opinion. Although the second opinion wasn't as favorable. It seems I do have the same problem as my kids. I must have the gene that gave it to my kids. My heart problem is called Dilated Cardiomyopathy. This is one of the number one reasons for persons to receive heart transplants. I could be in line for one. I have a plus on my side as we caught it early. The Doctor believes we can manage it for life without the transplant if I listen and obey him. If I cheat or continue to do nothing I'll be on a plane home getting in line for a heart transplant or worse.

I am going to have a few more meetings to discuss strategies and they are going to up the medication including warfarin (Coumadin) and I will be scheduled for a heart cathertorization in  beginning September. Warfarin on a side note began as a Rat poison. So I am now going to take rat poison to fix my weak heart. Actually it works on the liver to produce more blood cells. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Warfarin. My diet consists of less than 4 grams of salt per day and only 1.5 liters of fluid including all foods and drink per day. Yikes. I spent a frustrating 30 minutes at the store today trying to find anything without salt. Japan eats some of the highest salt per day per capita. The Doctor today told me the average citizen eats 10-15 grams of salt per day. 

Talk about the wind being knocked out of you. Pray with us for wisdom. Family will scream come home. But the problem is I feel more at home here than in the US. There is so much work to do. There are still millions of lives yet to be saved. I am reading Pastor Chucks book called "Faith". It is at times like this you need to read things that will help where you are weak.

"Unfortunately, sometimes we lay the problem before God...and then we go to bed and wrestle with it all night. We wake up at three o'clock in the morning thinking, What's going to happen? What if I do this? What if I do that? Maybe I should do this. We can't rest because we aren't trusting in God's ability to take care of the situation. So we continue to carry the burden--and that wears us out.

After you call upon God for His  help, you need to take a second step and rest in God. "I've placed it in the hands of God and I'm trusting Him to take care of it." Then see what He wants to accomplish in your life through faith." Pastor Chuck Smith, Faith, page 50.

I don't have this great faith yet. I am struggling. So many questions. This is where with my kids I went into survival mode and just lived each day one at a time and did what needed to be done to get through the day. The confidence is gone fear is close by. I can tell you I trust God in what he is doing but I also second guess him. Thank you for standing with us and praying with us during this time. I am still in shock. I still have the thought but I thought I am invincible as a missionary on the field? I am shaken in everything we are doing and have been doing. The enemy sows seeds of what did you do to get this? As If like Job I have sinned a great sin and now I got the Battchi or bad luck or retribution for what I did. That is not our Savior. I am not in sin. This is a family medical problem that God is going to use for his glory. He already has in many ways. Oh pray for me. I confess I am scared. I think of my kids and I cry what have I done? I want to be there for them and Mihoko. Pray for healing and obedience on my part.

God Bless,

Snap shot of Japan Today

 I am risking being called negative. I risk being accused of not loving the Japanese. I am a jokester and a realist. I don't hide truth nor turn a blind eye to reality. The way to a deeper relationship with God is to know him more. Study him, love him, bless him, and worship him. The way to understand the Japanese culture more is to learn about it and what is happening. How is it changing. This includes focusing on positives and negatives.  Right now since the Great East Japan Earthquake, Tsunami, and Nuclear Disasters the dynamics are changing. The nuclear fallout has more emotional impact than that of physical reality. Below is a snapshot of headlines from Japan Today's newspaper. As negative things occur we can be rosy and focus on only the good things but I feel that is turning a blind eye to truth. I believe if we hit this head on with full knowledge we will be better suited for serving out King Jesus and to reach out to the people of Japan.

August 2, 2011 Radiation is higher than ever. Below the reports says they hit a record measurement outside the buildings. We all are questioning? Where else is the radiation? Who is at risk? Can I live within these conditions?
http://www.japantoday.com/category/national/view/record-high-radiation-reported-at-crippled-fukushima-nuclear-plant

The nuke plant dumped millions of gallons of radioactive water into the ocean. This hurts industry.
http://www.japantoday.com/category/national/view/sushi-industry-hurting-from-radiation-scare

The Agriculture industry has been hit hardest. Three prefectures can't ship or sell  their produce to anyone anywhere in the world. Spinach, Green tea, Other vegetables all are adsorbing radiation. Now the Rice crop is being measured we can only figure out what it will be. The rice straw sold to dairies has infected thousands of cattle where 30 some prefectures have contaminated cows.
http://www.japantoday.com/category/national/view/govt-to-test-rice-crop-in-19-prefectures-for-possible-contamination

Contaminated cows in various farms were a problem but now the ban moves on to a third state Iwate where they can not sell or trade the cows or beef. It isn't just one or two farms whole prefectures are affected or should I say infected. When we do BBQ's is the local beef or pork we buy safe?
http://www.japantoday.com/category/national/view/govt-extends-beef-ban-to-cattle-from-iwate-over-contamination-fears

Earthquakes continue to rock this land. This report shows that this is a different region. Not up North but it is south of Mt. Fuji. An article yesterday showed the science of dormant volcanoes becoming active after major earthquakes. What if Fuji became active? Yikes! Oh I shouldn't incite fear sorry. It is still inactive I think.
http://www.japantoday.com/category/national/view/m6-2-quake-shakes-shizuoka-region

Suicides are at an all time high. In Fukushima last year in May there were 49 suicides in this year over 500. They opened up for 10 days suicide prevention lines and had over 1515 calls. They had to shut down due to a lack of funding. The problem is growing. Businesses are loosing money, Companies are cutting the fat but it isn't helping. The economy has an appearance of getting stronger but is it really? Time will bear it out but we see vacancies of businesses everywhere. The unemployment rate is rising to its highest level in a long time. People are giving up hope. One lady threw herself in front of a fast train blowing through the train station and she was launched into the station through a kiosk glass windows injuring customers while her body destroyed much of the store. It was horrific.  Elderly, are the most at risk for suicide as they don't want to burden their families. Is it a blessing that longevity is touted here? I teach a few nurses English. They tell me of an industry in Japan under the guise of care and hospice is making money and lot's of it. There are thousands in private homes that are in vegetative states of consciousness. They are being kept alive by machines.  Or should I say their body functions are kept alive by machines. I could get real negative here, but the reality is these nurses are telling us they are repulsed by the lack of ethics in the medical industry and the hunger for money. Japan couldn't decide on a brain dead definition for the transplantation of organs for years mostly blocked by industry that could loose out if families started to unplug loved ones and donated their organs to give life to others. So am I advocating euthanasia? No. But there comes a time when you just know and need to move on. I know because I had to unplug my own son. So suicides are rising and there seems to be no easy solution. We have the hope of heaven but their eyes need to be opened. Pray that the light will shine in Japan.
http://search.japantimes.co.jp/cgi-bin/fl20110726jk.html

Fear God

Monday night midnight another aftershock. I was in the bathroom and I didn't feel it. My wife did. So I go check on the kids. They are sound asleep. They have felt so many aftershocks in the 6.0 to 7.0 ranges that a 4 or 5 won't concern them. They have become desensitized. I had just finished a DVD by Francis Chan on his Basic series. This one was called Fear God. After the initial earthquake we had rocked enough that with each jolt we had a healthy fear of them and were ready at a moments notice to take action.

With God the Bible says, "the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom." Now according to Chan this term fear has been dumbed down to a term meaning great respect. Yet as we look at the patriarchs who encountered God they usually were greatly afraid or fell on their faces as dead men. I agree with Chan in that the term means to fear God. He is all powerful he knows all the future stuff. He knew when I'd be born and he knows my last day. The Angels fear him greatly and the arch angels cover their faces and feet in his presence.

The world has a way to enter the church and desensitizes us to the Word of God. Satan's greatest and first deception was to question the word of God. "Has God really said...?" Does the Bible really mean we should fear God maybe it is a term of respect you know like meeting the president. No this fear is like understanding this being has my life all written out and knows every detail about me before it happens. I should fear him greatly. In Proverbs, we are told to fear God but then the passage goes on to say... Do not fear. What? Did the Bible contradict itself? No. God wants us to fear him properly that is first and then as we come boldly into the presence of the Father through the blood of Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit we need not fear him in that he will crush us. But that he loves us and will protect us.

Oh that we would do some meditating on God to the point we once again learn to Fear Him greatly.